The last time I cut was 22/03/2012. It’s now 26/04/2012. Over a month since I last cut and I don’t know how I feel about it. On one hand I feel good; the scars are healing over nicely and are barely noticeable now. But there’s a part of me that craves the blade against my skin because without that release, I don’t have a coping mechanism and I think it’s made me a lot more agitated and I feel like I’ve become more quiet and reserved for fear that I hurt someone else.

There is a reason why I haven’t cut in over a month. Check out the next post for the reason…

I am the most insecure person I think you will ever meet. I literally hate every single part of myself. Given the chance, I would change EVERYTHING about myself. I avoid the mirror as much as possible because I hate the girl that looks back at me. Her face, her body; she is everything I despise. I have actually lost count of how many times I have sat in front of the mirror and just broken down in tears over how much I hate myself.

On the odd occasion that I do look in the mirror, I will let my reflection know how much I despise her. It’s so easy for me to look myself in the eyes and tell myself “I hate you” because it is so true.

The name is Zoe. I’m 19 years old and from London. Music is EVERYTHING to me; without it I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this right now.

I’ve had a tumblr account before but I wanted to start fresh. I wanted a place where I can vent because these days it seems like on Twitter and Facebook, you just get called an attention seeker and I can assure you, I’m anything but…

The real reason I need to vent is because lately, I haven’t been feeling so great. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been at breaking point so often that it’s starting to scare me. Hopefully writing it out will make the pain go away, at least I hope so because otherwise I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around for :’(